Monthly Archives: January 2012

An Interview with A Mobile Snatcher!

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With so many of my loved ones being held at gun point recently, and nothing being done in the name of justice, I decided sit down with a mobile snatcher and share his story. Maybe if people understood his side, they might stop cursing his sorry behind into oblivion, and maybe even be less scared to leave the house.

Q) Why have you chosen this path for yourself?

A) This is not the path I chose. My fate was already sealed when I was born. I am merely fulfilling my destiny.

Q) But why steal other people’s belongings?

A) I am a poor man. I have a huge family to look after. Mouths to feed. Sisters to get married. Since no one will give me a job anyway, I decided to make this my job. I have no other source of income. I have no money.

Q) You have no money to buy food, yet you had money to buy a gun?

A) I think of it as an investment for the future. 

Q) But why steal? I hear begging is now a very profitable business as well. Have you tried that?

A) Begging is an abomination! Don’t you know begging is condemned in our religion! It lowers one’s self esteem. Besides there’s too much competition and I cannot act that well.

Q) So you think begging is wrong, but stealing from and at times killing another human being is alright?

A) Well, every human is a means of providing for another. This is just another way.

Q) Still, do you ever feel guilty?

A) I am a poor man lady, I don’t have time to feel guilty.

Q) Poor man? Weren’t you seen driving a brand new Civic the other day?

A) That wasn’t mine. I stole it from some rich kid. He probably had four others and doesn’t need it much. I on the other hand have a sick mother who needs to go to the hospital often. She deserves some comfort too.

Q) And the stolen jewelry?

A) I save it for my sisters’ dowry. And if there is anything that they don’t like, I sell or replace it with something they prefer. You see I am not the bad guy here. Society is. I am merely fulfilling my obligation. I am trying to be a good son, brother. I am looking out for my family. I am exactly like you, only misunderstood and cursed a lot more.

Q) So you feel no remorse when you take an innocent life for some money?

A) Hey better him than me.

Q) Are you a part of a gang?

A) Oh God no! I am a God fearing man. I think of myself as Robin Hood. Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. In this case the poor is me.

Q) Aren’t you afraid of getting caught?

A) Your bubble must be really thick lady. You think I can get caught? Don’t you know my uncle’s brother in-law’s friends’ father’s business partner’s son is a police officer. He won’t let me rot in prison. Now if you don’t mind, I am getting late. Hand over whatever you have.

PS The above piece is a work of fiction, no offence to any person living or dead was intentional. If offended.. too bad.

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