So if you are a living breathing young human being, chances are you spend at least three hours a day on the internet. Apart from being the source of limitless information, the online world is a fantastic way to connect with people. People you wouldn’t really talk to in person. And since every living breathing young human is online during some part of the day, you come across all sorts of people. Or do you? Upon a lot of research (ok may not a lot) I managed to categorize most of the people in five major groups, with sub groups of course.
You know how in olden times, people would stand in the streets, ringing bells and screaming out breaking news to poor unsuspecting crowds? Yeah well reading history is quite fascinating, try it sometime. Come newspapers and television oh and radio too, and these poor people went out of business. But with internet, they once more got a chance to showcase their talents (which mostly include typing with super fast speed, to break news before anyone else). These town criers usually are the first to know about everything. From Nawaz Sharif’s latest hair count to the name of Obama’s dog, things happen and they find out. And boy they will tell you all about it.
Attention seeking criers:
While the town criers may be use every now and then, they are outnumbered by the attention seeking criers. These people assume the internet world is a psychiatric couch, where they can cry out their numerous (and trust me they are plenty) problems and be miraculously cured. Their talent mainly revolves around their ability to turn every incident against themselves, such as the earth conspiring with the sun, to take 23.8 hours to rotate and not 24, robbing them of their precious 2 minutes. How ever will they survive now?
Bloody murder criers:
So take into account the following scene. You come across a funny article/meme/video and decide to share it with your online circle. Barely a minute goes by and you see paragraphs upon paragraphs in your comments, warning you of the eternal damnation you just earned by sharing the post. Yes, these are the people finding everything wrong with the way others live, and are self nominated chosen ones on a mission to guide mankind in the right direction.
A person on Facebook, on average has over 200 friends. These include your classmates, colleagues, relatives and the occasional acquaintance you aren’t sure why you befriended. But while you may not know them very well, they know every single detail about you. From the kind of shoes you wear, to the latest diet you are currently on, (because of course you share everything, you are no miser Mary). The silent criers will stalk out every bit of information about you, and also make it a point to like everything you share, but never comment. Oh no they are too smart for that. It can be safe to assume they also have an entire shoebox full of stuff directly related to you under their beds.
Self promoting criers:
The slightly less whiny siblings of the attention seeking criers, self promoting criers are online mainly to make you jealous. They can be the cousins/friends who are constantly being used as examples by your parents to shame you about your own miserable existence. These overachievers will make sure everything they do is broadcasted for the world to see. Heck they will post a picture of themselves with a new haircut and tag half their friend-list in it including you (prompting your parents to comment how well they maintain themselves, whereas you can’t even use a hairbrush).
We have all met these five people on the internet. Heck we have even been all five of them at different points in our lives. The sad part is, there is no way around them.
Do you fall in one of the above 5 categories?